A New Start

So, I’ve been away for a while, what have I been doing? Well that answer is not as easy as you might think, it’s never easy admitting you are suffering from depression but it’s a step in the right direction, now I know what you’re thinking “Katt's never kept her depression quite” and you would be right, what I have kept to myself is well it’s come back, in a BIG way and that scares me to my core!

I’ve been trying to find myself! What? I hear you say!! Yep that’s right, I lost myself and was trying to get her back, nope I’ve not managed to find her yet but I’m getting closer every day, it’s a long road but I hope to get there in one piece and without too many bumps but let’s be honest here if life had no bumps it would be pretty boring, wouldn’t it?? I’ve come to realize that well I’m not that good at sticking to things like fitness or diets but I’m trying very hard to this time round as I need my body to be healthy and get my mind healthy again, so it will be back to counting macros for me! I don’t know why I find it so hard to stick to anything good for me I mean I can stick to eating burgers and chips every day so why not something nutritious and good for me? I was also thinking that alongside my new eating habits I would start up my YouTube again as I can sit and talk away to my camera and just get stuff out my brain, the only risk with that is well I never know what is going to come out my mouth lol.

So how do I begin to find myself? Well it all starts with learning what I like and don’t like again, just simple things like what colours do I like (red, purple and black) what is my fav animal (elephant) and things like that, I’ve also been (trying) to meditate each day even if it’s only for 10 mins or so.

That’s where I have been and what I’ve been doing for the past few months, now it may seem like I’ve not been doing much to some but really this stuff takes up a lot of time, being stuck in your own head without a way to get out is soul destroying and I'm going to fight my way out of the fog again The fact I’ve lost me is awful, I couldn’t even tell you what my favourite ice cream is (yet) but with the steps that I have set up for myself I know I will get there, so over the next few weeks or months there may be a few little posts and who knows maybe even a vlog or two, just letting you know how I’m getting on, so here we are Day One of however many it may take, I hope you will come with me and maybe this little diary blog will help you too, I may not have an entry every day for you but I shall be keeping in touch with you all as much as I can, I mean there maybe some days where I’ve only been at work and none of you wants to read about that lol,

So, Day one! Monday 22nd May 17.

So today I woke up at 4am and really struggled to get back to sleep as I wanted to see hubby before he went away, I made an appointment to see my Dr and headed off down to the surgery, She was very understanding and gave me some tablets to help me sleep she also singed me off for a couple of days (I wasn’t happy with this as I love my job and its sometimes the only reason I leave the house) I also started on my Nicotine patches as I have been smoking again (really bad I know)

Healthy Eating:

Didn’t do so well with sticking to my new healthier diet either today as in the evening I was picking at things but once I have more fruit in the flat it will be a lot easier.

Exercise:

Today I had planned on going for a run but with the early start and walking to and from the Dr’s (twice) I decided that was enough for today,

so in a nutshell that was my first day into my new start, I'm scared and excited to see where this new direction takes me.

Thanks for taking the time to read this and I look forward to seeing you all again soon, Much love Kitty Katt 🐾